'Should' whines like a Mosquito in your ear...Learn how to handle this word!
Walking my two dogs in my woods, earlier this week, I hear the crunch of twigs and the chirping birds and insects, as they go about their busy lives. It is warm and the sun streams dappled light between the leaves and hits the ground in little hotspots.
All of a sudden I feel sharp needle-like pain in the back of my arm, and I know what's happened! I reach around and smack the Mosquito that is trying to drain my blood! For the next section of the path, I’m accompanied by the whining in my ear of other hungry mosquitoes, positioning themselves to take chances with my bare arms.
My strategy was to keep walking so they had to keep moving so they really had to line-up their game, their high-pitched buzzing noise in my ear was a constant companion for the rest of this part of the walk.
It got me thinking... those nagging voices in our heads, those thoughts that contain the word "should" are like mosquitoes in our ears, waiting for a weak moment to strike - which will either make us feel guilty and change a behaviour or distract us and make us feel off-course.
I should, You should, He should, She should, We should, You should and They should: these are the beginning of sentences that inject others opinions. They need to be zapped like a Mosquito!
The word " should" indicates that there is a projection of expectation by self, or other, onto self, or other, around a different behaviour that is thought of as better, more successful or wiser than the current one.
Examples: You should tidy the house, I should get up quicker in the morning, He should make more money, She should study more...
"Should" indicates someone other than you, who has the authority, the sway.
The thing you "should" do has more weight psychologically, has the approval of society - it is your job to prove to your 'inner jury' that the chosen behaviour or activity is actually correct for you. Our life is full of unconscious conditioning we don't even notice where we have injected the values of someone else. ZAP!!!
When you hear "should" in your self-talk, it's a chance to unpick this conditioning and know yourself better! The "should mosquitoes" buzzing around your head is feedback to tune into your authentic self, asking yourself some quality questions:
For example: I "should" get out of bed quicker in the morning!
- Who says? Who is the authority figure that I am holding in my head when I think that?
- Who do I think is watching me and judging me?
- What are the benefits to me of staying longer in bed?
- What are the benefits to me of getting out of bed earlier?
- What is it that I truly am inspired to do?
Solution: You might find yourself coming up with a system of four days a week, where you get up early and three days where you lie-in longer. Guilt is gone!
Bringing your decisions into your consciousness means that you have better knowledge of what makes you tick and therefore you can feel more empowered about your choices. It stops the incapacitating guilt and the sense of powerlessness when you were just running through the motions without stopping to check-in with why.
So in the end and, ironically, the 'should mosquitoes' are actually there to help you become more yourself and in your ear, they are really a little buzzing noise asking you to awaken to your Truth!